Well, I have been sober a little over 3 years and I am thrilled to say it really doesn't even cross my mind much anymore. I can get together with friends and family and not only do I not crave it but I also no longer have the need to talk about it. It just doesn't even matter. I am so grateful that I don't have that struggle anymore. In the last 18 months, I have dealt with the death of a stepparent, helping my mother with her debilitating grief, agoraphobia due to the pandemic, and health concerns, remodeling and then selling my beloved home, my husband losing a job and then getting a new one in which he works nights, moving in with my mom, changing our moving plans, looking for a house, finding one and buying it. Whew!!! If I can do all of that sober...I can get through anything.
House update.....we decided we are not moving to the Pacific Northwest. My daughter said they want to find a house here, my son would prefer to stay here and my mom, who is doing much better now, said she is not moving. Flipping that decision back around took a couple of weeks for me to shift. I even had regrets about selling my old house. But we started looking in the mountains...someplace I have always wanted to live and found a new build on four acres in the mountains 45 minutes from my mom. It all worked out for the best and we are so excited! I am getting another brand new house surrounded by trees and deer and birds. My husband is getting a 3+ car garage with a space above all to himself with 4 acres. It will be done in a few months - supposedly by 11/1 but we won't completely move in until next summer when my husband quits this job. We feel very fortunate!
We spent a lot of time meeting with a financial planner to make sure we weren't getting in over our heads. My husband will stay at this very sucky, but incredibly well-paying job, until June of next year, and then he is going to semi-retire for 4 years and drive a school bus. I may have to work another 10 years but I am ok with that. I have a lot of time off, like my job and he worked for the first 5 years of our marriage while he put me through college. I don't mind returning the favor on the backside...he will completely retire 5 years sooner than me. I'll just make him do all the cooking, cleaning, and shopping lol :). I am grateful that my husband and I are doing so well and excited for this next chapter of our lives.
My kids are great! My daughter just finished her first year of being a teacher in Juneau and loved it. She is currently crabbing with her husband for the summer. She is starting to seriously consider buying a place back here in Colorado for them to live in during the school year and then spend the summers in Alaska crabbing and seeing his parents. That makes my heart happy. I miss her so much. I am grateful she has found such a great guy to spend her life with. He treats her so well and I am always amazed by the amount of mutual respect, understanding, and love they show for each other. They both understand each other's need to be close to their families and are working together to make it possible.
My son is doing great! He has the same boyfriend. I am so thankful he has someone in his life that he cares about and cares about him. His boyfriend is a really nice guy and they seem to understand each other and get along really well. He spent the first half of the summer crabbing with his sister which makes me happy that they are so close and want to spend time together. He is now with his bf in Florida who graduated from college and got a great job out there. He got accepted to grad school and will graduate in 1 1/2 years with degrees in Engineering Physics, Computer Science, and Mechanical Engineering. I am so grateful for my kids and how well they are doing. Neither one of them drinks at all which also makes me happy.
I am thankful my mom is doing better. She had eye surgery which got rid of her double vision and is back to church, volunteering and having her lunch with her friends. She is starting to heal from her grief and even went to Kansas to see relatives by herself. I worry much less about her now and am glad she is not moving so she doesn't have to give all that up as it is very important to her. Once we move I will still be close enough to her if she needs me and plans on coming down once a month to spend the weekend with her.
Sister drama - I am still getting along well with my one sister that I made amends with. I enjoy being a part of her and her family's life. I was doing a little better with my other sister but missed a dinner at her house on Easter. I was with my other sister who is only here a few times a year. We were in the mountains looking at property, got too far out, lost cell service and I did not get back in time for dinner. I felt really bad and apologized. I am sure that the fact I was with my other sister just infuriated her as they haven't talked in years. That was in March and she hasn't talked to me since. I text her every few weeks to see if she wants to get together to talk and she says no...she is still mad. I wish it were different but I can't make her forgive me for missing dinner or for the bigger issue - making up with my other sister. She looks at it as a betrayal of our relationship. I just want to get along with everyone and not have any drama. I will continue to reach out, tell her I love her, and just wait. It is all I can do. I feel better about myself when I am dealing with it with love and patience rather than anger and resentment so that is what I am going to do.
A couple of things I need to continue to work on is one - getting myself back on a consistent workout routine. I think about working out and eating well more for my health and longevity now than for how I look - even though I do still think about that...fitting into all my old jeans would be amazing. I want to feel really good so that I am around for grandkids! I really want to be an active part of their lives for a long time. Two - not shying away from social engagements because I am sober. I really haven't made any friends at my new school bc I haven't socialized with them outside of school. Maybe it doesn't matter. Maybe I don't need to socialize with colleagues outside of school. I will probably be switching schools anyways in the next couple of years to get closer to our new house....but I do need to keep working on putting myself in new social situations instead of shying away from them bc I am not drinking. I will really need to make sure I do this with new neighbors when we move. While I am learning that I really do need alone time (which I don't have a lot of right now), I also need social connections with friends. Ultimately, though, as long as I have my family...I am good!
Well...that is it for now. Lots of exciting things to look forward to in the future and so many things to be grateful for in the present. I know, without a doubt, I would not be in this place right now if I was still living in my mental and emotional prison of addiction. I am so happy to be able to look forward to a calm, peaceful, happy sober future. I am mostly thankful for my immediate family...that my husband, two kids, and their partners are all healthy and happy. I couldn't ask for more!
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